When Pigs Fly!
by Chicapanzy
Summary: Looks like Akane's cooking has a bigger affect than just making people change colors! First Ranma fic so please be gentle and R R!


When Pigs Fly! 

by Panzy Grrl

Disclaimer:  Okay, you know the drill.  I ain't making any money off the Ranma 1/2 people and I don't own them.  I just enjoy writing fics about them.  Don't bother in suing me because I'm broke and you'll never get any money from me.  P

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Panzy Grrl:  Ah, another beautiful day in Nerima, Japan.  The sun was shining, the birds were singing...

Akane:  RANMA NO BAKA!  COME BACK HERE!

Panzy Grrl:  Akane was in hot pursuit of Ranma, ready to knock his head off... nothing out of the ordinary right?  By Nerima's standards anyway.  Well, if that's what you're thinking, then you're in for a big surprise.  

*Ranma and Akane run over Panzy Grrl*

Panzy Grrl:  Hey!  Why don't y'all watch where y'all are going??  I'm trying to introduce a story here!  Jeez!  Now where was I?  Oh yeah, it started off as a normal day right?  Well, little did they know that something odd was going to happen later on...

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Akane was chasing after Ranma once again.  Why?  Does she really need a reason why?  Well, this time, it's because of her cooking.  Yes, dear sweet Akane had made him a nice lunch for school and what does he do?  Refuse.  What is it about her cooking that he can't stand?  Doesn't it matter that she puts her heart into each meal she makes for him?

Apparently not because Ranma's running like there's no tomorrow.  And let's face it, if he eats whatever it is that Akane made for him, there may not BE a tomorrow for him.

Eventually, Akane stopped running and drops to her knees.  She looked down at the ground and began to cry.  "Damn it you baka.  Can't you see that I just want you to like my cooking?"  She took the little box of food she had cooked for Ranma and threw it across the street.  Wiping her eyes fiercely, she got back on her feet and ran all the way back home to the Tendo Dojo.  

Ranma, who had noticed Akane wasn't running after him anymore, had turned around and saw the entire thing.  He frowned and let out a long sigh.  It wasn't that he wanted to hurt her feelings or anything.  It's just that her cooking had a tendency to turn his stomach into a violent volcano and change his skin into abnormal colors...like plaid.

Just when he decided that he should probably go and apologize to Akane, he heard the sound of someone running towards him.  He whirled around just in time to find Ryoga with his normal "I'm here to kill you" attitude.

"RANMA!  PREPARE TO DIE!"

Not wanting to deal with him, Ranma shoved his foot into Ryoga's face.  "Look P-Chan, I'm not in the mood to fight you right now, okay?  So could you just lay off for once?"  Ranma brought his foot off of Ryoga's face, which now had a lovely imprint of Ranma's shoe right in the middle of it.  Shaking his head, Ranma turned his back on Ryoga and started to walk away.

Growling, Ryoga said, "How dare you walk away from a fight!  You coward!"

Ranma spun around and shot back at Ryoga, "Why do you always come in town wanting to kill me?  Can't you come back and say 'Hi Ranma, how are you doing?' instead of 'Die Saotome!'?  It's getting old!"

Ryoga looked at Ranma in surprise.  *He's never been like this when I come to fight him.  He's usually cracking jokes and blocking my attacks.  Wonder what's wrong?*  "Hey, Ranma?  What's up?  You don't usually turn down a fight with me.  Is something bothering you?"

Sighing, Ranma nodded.  "Akane's mad at me because I wouldn't eat her cooking.  She just ran off crying."

Instinctively, Ryoga grabbed Ranma by his shirt.  "You made Akane cry?"  

"Calm down Pork Breath!" Ranma said, shoving Ryoga off of him.  "I didn't mean to!  It's just that she came up to me with a lunch she said she cooked just for me and...well, you know what happens when I find out she wants me to eat some of her cooking."

Ryoga nodded.  As much as he loved Akane, he had to admit that her cooking was bad.  Sighing, he said, "Well, I guess you had reason to run away.  But that still doesn't change the fact that you made her cry!"

Ranma rolled his eyes.  "I'd like to see if you could handle this type of situation any better!  You claim to love Akane so much, but the moment she askes you to try something she cooked, you'll probably run away too!"

"I would not!  In fact, I'll prove it to you!" Ryoga crossed his arms.  "The next time Akane cooks something, I'll be the first to go up to her and taste whatever it is she cooked!"

Ranma laughed.  The very though of Ryoga being brave, or stupid, enough to eat Akane's cooking was outrageous!  He'd die the moment he swallowed the stuff!  "Yeah right!  If you do, then I'll go out on a date with Kuno!"

A smile curled on Ryoga's lips, letting the tips of his fangs show.  "Then it's a deal?  I eat whatever it is Akane cooks and you go out on a date with Kuno."  

"Assuming you don't die from whatever it is she cooks!" Ranma said laughing.  "And if you chicken out or get sick, then you have to give Kodachi a kiss!"

Ryoga sweatdropped.  Give KODACHI a kiss?  She'd whip him with that ribbon of hers if he did that!  Even worse, she might try to make him her love slave or something weird like that!  Now he DEFINITELY had to eat whatever it is Akane cooks.  I couldn't be that bad, could it?  "All right!  It's a deal!  But only if  you apologize to Akane!" 

Ranma sighed.  "All right.  I'll do it."  The two shook hands on it and went to the Tendo Dojo.

When the two came into the Tendo Dojo, they heard noises coming from the kitchen.  Confused, they walked into the kitchen to find Akane cooking up a storm.  Clearing his throat, Ranma said, "Uhm, Akane?"  Akane whirled around and glared at Ranma.  "What do YOU want?"

Ranma blushed slightly and said, "Uh...I'm...uh...sorry for running away when you tried to give me that lunch you made for me."  

Akane stared at Ranma in disbelief.  He was actually apologizing?  To her?  She smiled softly.  "It's okay.  It doesn't matter anyway.  I'll admit, that wasn't a very good lunch I made.  But I'm making dinner for the family tonight!  Wanna taste?"

She held out a spoonful of the weirdest stuff Ranma's ever seen.  In fact, he thought he saw it move a little bit.  Sweating nervously, Ranma stuttered, "Uh...it wouldn't be fair to get a taste of it before everyone else does Akane!  I'll wait until dinner to taste it!"

Akane pouted slightly then turned to Ryoga.  "Ryoga?  Would you like to taste what I made?"  Her eyes sparkled with held back tears.  Ryoga's heart melted for a moment.  He couldn't bear to break her heart.  Plus he had a bet going with Ranma.  He couldn't back out now.  Just the thought of kissing Kodachi sent shivers down his spine.

Smiling, Ryoga took the spoon and said, "Sure Akane.  I'd be happy to taste your cooking!"  Hestitantly, he brought the spoon to his lips.  Sweat poured down his forehead.  He glanced at Ranma and saw him smiling wickedly.  He looked at Akane and saw her very close to tears.  With a gulp, he shoved the spoonful of strange unidentifiable food into his mouth and chewed.  

*Well, this doesn't taste TOO bad.  Kinda has a strange tangy spicy sweet taste to it.  I wonder what exactly it is she was trying to make this time?*  He didn't have any time to figure it out though, for the moment he swallowed it, he felt his heartbeat grow slower.  His vision grew dark and he could feel himself falling.  The next thing he knew, he was out cold on the kitchen floor.

When he awoke, he noticed that he was a lot smaller than usual.  He looked down and saw that he was in his cursed form.  He was no longer Ryoga, but was P-Chan, the cute little black pig body he was stuck in whenever he was splashed with cold water.  But he didn't remember getting splashed with cold water. 

He also noticed that he had something sticking out of his back.  He sat up and saw that he had wings.  Wait a minute!  He wasn't supposed to have wings!  He was a pig!  Pigs don't have wings!

Akane and Ranma stood over him.  *Oh no!  Don't tell me that Akane saw me change!  She'll be furious!*  On the contrary, Akane was very loving towards little P-Chan, even though she saw his transformation.  Ranma had explained the whole thing to Akane and though she was very angry at first, she realized that she should of realized it earlier.  I mean, if she really looked at it, it was pretty obvious that Ryoga and P-Chan were the same person.

"Hello Ryoga.  I know all about you being P-Chan now."  Ryoga squealed sadly and nodded.  Smiling, Akane picked up Ryoga and kissed his nose.  "It's okay.  I'm not mad.  Not anymore anyway.  I should of realized a long time ago that you were P-Chan.  I just wished you had told me instead of keeping it a secret.  It makes me feel like you didn't trust me enough to let me know."  Akane's smile disappeared and her face had a look of sadness.

Ryoga shook his little head firmly.  Ranma said, "It wasn't that he didn't trust you enough Akane.  He was embarrassed about being a little black piglet."  Ryoga nodded and squealed affirmatively.  Akane said, "Well, either way, it doesn't matter now.  The question now is why are you in your cursed form if you're only supposed to change with cold water?  And more importantly, why do you have wings?"

"Yeah, that is a little strange."  Ranma examined the small, feathery wings on Ryoga's back.  "Maybe we should try pouring hot water on you and seeing if you change back."  Ranma took the kettle off of the stove and poured some of the hot water onto Ryoga.  He stood back, expecting him to change back, and waited.  And waited.  And waited some more.  But Ryoga stayed in his little black pig cursed form.  

"Now that's REALLY strange." he said as he looked down at Ryoga.  "I figured that the hot water would of changed him back..."  Akane looked at Ryoga worriedly.  "Ranma?  You don't think that my cooking did this to him, do you?"

Ranma hesitated in his answer.  "Well, uh, that's what it looks like unfortunately." He sighed.  "I'm sorry Akane."

Akane closed her eyes and started crying.  "Don't be sorry.  It's not your fault that I can't cook Ranma.  Now Ryoga's stuck as a pig and it's all because of my horrible cooking."  Tears fell from her closed eyes.  Ranma, actually feeling sorry for Akane, put his arm around her and said, "Don't worry Akane.  We'll figure out how to change him back.  It'll be okay."  Ryoga flapped his little wings and flew onto Akane's shoulder, nuzzling her cheek with his snout.  He squealed comfortingly.  "Ryoga doesn't want you to be sad either Akane.  He's not mad at you for what happened."

Standing up, Ranma said, "There's only one person who could possibly figure out a way to turn Ryoga back and that's Cologne.  Come on.  Let's go to the Nekohanten."

"Airen!  You come to marry Shampoo!"  Shampoo burst from behind the counter the moment Ranma, Akane, and Ryoga came into the Nekohanten.  She was just about to glomp poor Ranma when she ran into an unsuspecting Mousse.  "Aiyaa!  Stupid duck boy in way!  Move!"

Before she could get the chance to charge at Ranma once again, Ranma said, "Uh, we're here to see Cologne Shampoo.  We kinda got ourselves a problem."  

Shampoo looked at the little winged pig in Akane's arms.  "Huh?  Why pig boy have wings?"  "That's what we need to see Cologne for," said Akane.  "You see, Ryoga ate some of my cooking and, well, he uh, sort of changed in to this."  

Mousse studied the little winged pig and blinked.  "Fascinating.  I never knew that pigs could get wings."  "Neither did we," Ranma said.  "Now, can we see Cologne?"

The old lady in question hopped out from behind the counter on her big stick.  "What's this about pigs with wings?" she said as she looked at Ryoga.  She held the little pig in her hands and examined him closely.  "Hmm...did you try pouring hot water on him to see if he'd change back?"

"Yeah, but it didn't work.  Do you know what's wrong?" Akane asked.

Cologne shook her head.  "I really don't know.  I've never seen this sort of thing before.  It's very peculiar.  How did this happen?"

Akane looked down at her shoes and whispered, "Uhm...well, he tasted some of my cooking and he just kinda changed into that."  She looked up at Cologne with misty eyes.  "Please tell me there's something we can do to bring him back."  

Cologne sighed and handed the winged pig to Akane.  "I'm sorry dear, but I really don't know what to do.  I've never seen this sort of thing before.  I'm afraid he might be that way for quite a while.  It may wear off.  It may not.  Either way, I doubt there's anything you can do about it.  You better go on home now."

"Hey!  You can't just give up just like that!" Ranma said angrily.  "There's got to be some way to change him back!"

Narrowing her eyes, Cologne said, "Son-in-law, if you can find a way to change him back, then by all means, find it.  But this is out of my power and therefore out of my hands!  Now go!"

Ranma spun on his heel and left the Nekohanten with Akane following behind him.  "Ranma!" she called after him.  "Ranma!  Where are you going?  We still don't know what to do about Ryoga!"

"I'm going back to the dojo.  Maybe we can find something there that can change him back!"  Ranma started walking faster, wanting to get to the dojo quickly.  Soon he was in an all out run.  Akane struggled to keep up with him.  She couldn't understand why he was so upset.  He never cared about what happened to Ryoga before.  What was it that made him so intent on changing Ryoga back to his normal form?

Ranma and Akane were just about to pass Dr. Tofu's office when Dr. Tofu came out and stopped them.  "Hello Ranma.  Hello Akane.  What's the rush?"

Akane took a couple of deep breaths before answer Dr. Tofu.  "We've...got...a bit of...a problem." she gasped.  "Ryoga's been...changed into...a winged pig.  We...can't change...him back."

Dr. Tofu took a look at Ryoga and smiled.  "Oh, well I have something that will fix this in a jiffy!  Come on in!"  Dr. Tofu led Ranma, Akane and Ryoga into his office.  "Take a seat.  I'll be back with something to change little Ryoga back.  Although I don't know why you'd want him to change back.  He's pretty cute as a pig with wings!"  Dr.  Tofu gave Ryoga a pat on his head and wandered off in search of what he was looking for.

"Hey Akane, do you really think that he has something that can cure Ryoga?" Ranma asked Akane.  Akane shrugged.  "I don't know.  I guess we'll just have to wait and see."  

A few minutes later, Dr. Tofu returned with a bottle of large blue polka-dotted pills.  He removed the top and took one of the odd looking pills out.  "Open wide Ryoga!" he said with a smile.  Ryoga cautiously opened his mouth and the large pill was shoved into his mouth.  Ryoga swallowed the pill with great difficulty and shook his head at the horrible taste.  

Then he noticed a feather falling from his wings.  Then another.  Then two more.  The feathers started falling at a greater pace and in a greater quantity until the wings no longer were on his back, but in a pile of feathers on the floor.  Dr. Tofu then pulled out a kettle and poured hot water on Ryoga.  He changed back into his normal form...only he was naked...and sitting on Akane's lap...and experience a full body blush because of this.

Akane covered her eyes and waited for Ryoga to both get off her lap and get some clothes on his naked (yet quite gorgeous ^_^) body.  Meanwhile Ranma was rolling his eyes and waiting for Ryoga to get his clothes back on.  

When Ryoga was finally dressed, Akane stood up, thanked Dr. Tofu and left his office rather quickly.  "What was that about?" asked Dr. Tofu.

"Oh, uh, don't worry about it Dr. Tofu," said Ranma.  "And thanks for helping Ryoga get back to normal."  Dr. Tofu smiled.  "Oh don't worry about it.  I always carry pills that will reverse the effects of Akane's cooking."

Ryoga and Ranma blinked amazingly.  "How did you know that this happened because of Akane's cooking?" Ryoga asked.  Dr. Tofu smiled again.  "This isn't the first time something like this has happened because someone ate something Akane cooked.  That's probably why she left so quickly.  She gets so embarrassed whenever something like this happens.  She's a sweet girl, but she just can't cook a good meal to save her life!"

Laughing, the two boys thanked Dr. Tofu again and left the office.  When they were a good distance away, Ranma said, "You know you lost the bet."

"What?" Ryoga said.  "I didn't lose!  I said I'd eat whatever it was that she cooked and I did!  So I win and YOU lose!"

"Oh no you don't!  I said that you couldn't get sick from eating her food!" Ranma protested.  Ryoga stopped walking and put his hands on his hips.  "You said no such thing!  You said I couldn't get sick!  You didn't say I couldn't get sick from her cooking!"  Ranma put his hands on his hips and pointed a finger at Ryoga.  "It was implied!  Just admit that you lost!"

Ryoga scowled and thought this over.  "Okay, I lost.  But so did you because you said that I wouldn't eat what Akane cooked and I did.  So you still have to go on a date with Kuno!"

Ranma shivered in disgust.  As much as he didn't want to admit it, Ryoga was right.  And though he hated to lose, he had to uphold his end of the bargain.  It wouldn't be fair if he didn't.  Sighing in defeat, Ranma said, "All right.  I lose.  But you're coming with me!"

"What?  Why do I have to come with you?" Ryoga asked.  "We're both going to the Kuno manor, right?  I couldn't possibly let you go alone!  You'd be lost in a minute!  So come on!" Ranma started to walk off until he noticed Ryoga wasn't following him.  "Hey!  Aren't you coming?"

Ryoga smiled wickedly.  "You don't expect to go on a date like THAT do you?"  Ranma was just about to ask what he meant when he felt himself being splashed with cold water.

"Oh my Pigtailed Goddess!  How I've longed for the day that we would date!" Kuno held Ranma-chan close and nuzzled her neck.  She pushed him away and said, "Yeah, yeah, I know!  Let's just get this over with!  Hey Ryoga!  Kodachi!  Would you two hurry up back there?"

Ryoga managed to pull himself way from the amorous Kodachi long enough to say, "Get her OFF me!"  Kodachi pulled Ryoga closer and continued to kiss him.  Ranma impatiently put her hands on her hips.  "Come ON you two!  This is supposed to be a double date, not a kiss-a-thon!"

"The double date WASN'T part of the deal Ranma!" Ryoga cried out.  Ranma laughed.  "Well, how was I supposed to know that when you kissed Kodachi she'd react this way?  Now come on!  We're gonna miss the movie!"

"Movie?" Ryoga asked nervously.  "We're going to see a MOVIE?  In the DARK?"  "Of course!" Ranma said.  "What better way to spend a double date?  Besides, you and Kodachi could spend time kissing without getting weird looks from people like you are now!" 

Kuno wrapped his arms around Ranma.  "Plus you and I could get a little closer too my love!"  Ranma shivered in disgust.  "Lay off Kuno!  We're not even in the movie theater yet!  HEY!  Don't grab THERE!"  She booted Kuno into the sky and walked off, leaving Kuno to fall back to the ground and Ryoga trying uselessly to push Kodachi off long enough to walk a couple steps.

*This is going to be a LONG date.* thought Ranma.

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Panzy Grrl:  And so, Kuno, Ranma, Kodachi and Ryoga went to the movies and then to dinner afterwards.  Who would of thought that Kodachi would be attracted to Ryoga?

Ryoga:  I certainly never thought she would.

Panzy Grrl:  Well, when you come up with the right type of intimidation she does!

Kodachi:  Alright, I did your stupid fanfic!  NOW will you give me back my pictures of my darling Ranma?

Panzy Grrl:  Yeah yeah.  You did good.  Here.  *Throws her a key*  They're in my locker.  #1005.  Take ONLY your pictures.

*Kodachi runs off laughing*

Ranma:  What was the idea of making me go on a date with Kuno???

Panzy Grrl:  Hey, get over it.  If you keep complaining, I'll write a lemon with you and Kuno together.

Ranma:  Girl form or boy form?

Panzy Grrl:  *Smiles evily*  Boy form.

Ranma:  *Eeps*  I'll be good.

Panzy Grrl:  See Ryoga?  With the right type of intimidation, you can accomplish just about anything!

Ryoga:  *Sweats nervously*  So I see.  I'll make sure to remember that.

Panzy Grrl:  Well, that's the end of my first Ranma 1/2 fic!  R+R please!  ^_^  I'll write a special fic for the 10th person who reviews this.  Whatever you want written, I'll write it for you.  (Yes, I'm THAT desperate for reviews.  -_-)


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